There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
