I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
