So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
being pregnant is like rehab
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
