I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
