my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
