Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
