he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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