I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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