dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
