Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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