yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
