I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
