So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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