just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
