You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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