you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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