Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My cat gives me a boner
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
