youre lurking in front of me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
