To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
