Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
