So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
