This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
