Me too!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
