Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Can I color on your dick again?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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