I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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