i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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