Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
