3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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