Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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