We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The beer is more important than you right now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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