okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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