can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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