there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
