sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
