Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
