my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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