sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
