When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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