You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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