i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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