there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
