she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
