But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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