I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
