What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
