i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
