his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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