I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
how drunk are you?
Several
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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