dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
