we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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