somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
